just because.

Wow. It's been almost a month since I blogged last. It's almost my birthday. 2 more days. I've lost track of how old I'm turning... I think I'm turning 19? I'm not sure. Maybe 30. Whatever the age is, I feel old. I feel really really old.

I guess I'll blog more on my birthday. More exciting stuff will have happened...


faith is..

-Jax

Starry thoughts..

I'm sitting here today, wondering about the stars in the heavens. It's completely mind blowing to me. Everytime I look up at the stars, I fall in love, in love with the heavens. How could it be that when I sing to the stars, they sing back to me? I feel it in my heart, so strongly, it drives me crazy...but a good kind of crazy..
I just love looking up at the stars and smiling, they tell a story of life. You probably think I'm crazy but maybe I am? I don't know, have a look at this..

"Even today, scientists admit that they do not know how many stars there are. Only about 3,000 can be seen with the naked eye. We have seen estimates of 10²¹ stars—which is a lot of stars. The number of grains of sand on the earth’s seashores is estimated to be 10²⁵. As scientists discover more stars, wouldn’t it be interesting to discover that these two numbers match?"

I feel like they might... everything goes together in the end. The mysteries of this world lie under all of our worries and cares. If we are able to step out of our selfishness and open up our eyes, I feel the world would be a whole new place. However, there is a reason why the world is the way it is today. Maybe someone awsome is saving the good stuff for last..

I can't help it, I need to believe. It's too much of a mystery for me to just sit there and not wonder.

I'm love sick for the stars. I want to have one, just one in my pocket please.

Each star is unique. Like notes on a piano. they are all different but sing the same tune.

I think it would also be pretty cool if the number of stars in the universe was a number that had a lot of 7's in it. or a multiple of 7.... wouldn't this all be so cool?

Just some thoughts, hopefully one day I'll find out

Love's exploding
-Jax

hell..or something like that

This week has been a hand full. I've been with the kids on my own for the most part. I love my mother, I don't know how she did it with 5 kids..

I'm so frusterated. I hate when kids don't listen. I dont like getting angry, so I get frusterated. I am so tired, it's unbearable. I have to work tomorrow then rush home to pick the other one up from school, then come back home, make dinner, clean, do laungry, take the kids to swimming, come back, clean, more laundry, put them to bed, and then if i'm lucky, grab a coffee somewhere in between.

I'm not gonna say I like all of this whole motherhood thing.... maybe one day, but not today

You're probably wondering why I am even or how I find the time to blog about all this crap. Well, I battled getting billie to sleep and from all the battling, I was pretty hungry. So i decided to make a poutine (which is completly random because I havent had a poutine in like.. never) at 11pm. I was half asleep while making it. I hope it tasted ok?I don't even remember. I then started wondering about how the sky is blue and why they don't have poutines at mcdonalds. Then I went upstairs to my bed, which I am now currentley sitting in and blogged about all this.

Yep, what a friggn whacked day. I can't wait to get sleep, that's all I can think about. Thanks for listening, I really needed to vent

you're beautiful
-Jax

weekly thoughts

So much has happened since I blogged last. I thought I would be able to keep up with this whole blog thing, not so much. From events at the market to valentines day, life just keeps getting more exciting! I worked at the market today. It was pretty sweet... such a long day. I'm actually struggling to keep my eyes open. So for all you people (or person) that reads my blog, this one's for you.

Lots of interesting interactions happened at the market today. I'm pretty sure I should not be working there since my appearance is an issue. The fact that I spend 5 minutes in the morning getting ready is already beyond me. When I get 57 year old men asking me out on dates, words cannot even express.... I could go on to explain the other weirdo creeps I had encounters with today but I think i'll leave it at that.

Valentines day was crazy. Nothing happened. Surpise! I bought crysty a rose today. It will probably die tomorrow. It was on sale for 50 cents. I like shopping after valentines day. Everything is so much cheaper

All in all, this week has been crazy busy and filled with just craziness. But that's how I like it. It keeps me on the go, always. Life, yeah... uhhuh, always something new.

I'm also writing a proposal to all those parents out there who are putting their 11 year old kids to bed at a very late time like 10pm everynight. they cannot move in the morning so maybe bed a little earlier would be a consideration? I speak from experience!

Live strong
-Jax

writer's block?

Just sitting on my bed, listening to Bruno Mars. He's great.

What a weekend. It was amazing. Such a great time at the market with everyone and an amazing friday night. I'm ready for a nice relaxing week. I can't wait. Lounging in my track pants and yoga pants, oh yes baby.

This weekend got me think about so many things. My thoughts are still processing so I'm not going to bother writing. Plus I'm pretty lazy right now anyway ;)

I guess this is the shortest blog post and lamest one ever. Oh well, sometimes these are necessary.

Freedom awaits
-Jax

Never felt this way before

Love.


Love.


Love.


Feeling bubbly inside is the best. I like when the spark is lit. Getting giddy and smiling without caution. Yep, it's the best feeling in the world.

And you give me butterflies, when I look into your eyes
I want to fly, and you give me the wings to fly

Undescribable happiness

Today I am happy. Very very happy. I have an inner peace that rests in the bottom of my heart. It feels so good. Candy and I had a great talk today while setting some stuff up at the market. We talked about amazing things. She is an amazing person and I love working for her. And I love that she lets me be the supervisor ;) haha

I'm left absolutely in awe. Everyday I seem to be falling more and more in love with the people around me, with my neighbors, strangers, and every face I see. I'm learning how to love, how to forgive, and how to accept and give love, no matter what the circumstance is. I'm in awe of the hurt, the hurting, the beautiful faces, everyone, everything. The words that were spoken long ago are becoming so much more alive. All the lessons I listened to are finally starting to make sense. Everything.

I am so happy, I am so filled with joy, I need to give it away.... to liz especially ;)

Until the day I walk the streets of gold, until the day I dance on rivers of life, until the day I lay in fields of grace, until the day I will sit and sing with some of the best musicians ever born, until the day I paint undescribable and unseen colours....

I will love, praise, give, and smile.

It's all part of the plan, isn't it? ;)

-Deep thoughts
Jax