just because.

Wow. It's been almost a month since I blogged last. It's almost my birthday. 2 more days. I've lost track of how old I'm turning... I think I'm turning 19? I'm not sure. Maybe 30. Whatever the age is, I feel old. I feel really really old.

I guess I'll blog more on my birthday. More exciting stuff will have happened...


faith is..

-Jax

Starry thoughts..

I'm sitting here today, wondering about the stars in the heavens. It's completely mind blowing to me. Everytime I look up at the stars, I fall in love, in love with the heavens. How could it be that when I sing to the stars, they sing back to me? I feel it in my heart, so strongly, it drives me crazy...but a good kind of crazy..
I just love looking up at the stars and smiling, they tell a story of life. You probably think I'm crazy but maybe I am? I don't know, have a look at this..

"Even today, scientists admit that they do not know how many stars there are. Only about 3,000 can be seen with the naked eye. We have seen estimates of 10²¹ stars—which is a lot of stars. The number of grains of sand on the earth’s seashores is estimated to be 10²⁵. As scientists discover more stars, wouldn’t it be interesting to discover that these two numbers match?"

I feel like they might... everything goes together in the end. The mysteries of this world lie under all of our worries and cares. If we are able to step out of our selfishness and open up our eyes, I feel the world would be a whole new place. However, there is a reason why the world is the way it is today. Maybe someone awsome is saving the good stuff for last..

I can't help it, I need to believe. It's too much of a mystery for me to just sit there and not wonder.

I'm love sick for the stars. I want to have one, just one in my pocket please.

Each star is unique. Like notes on a piano. they are all different but sing the same tune.

I think it would also be pretty cool if the number of stars in the universe was a number that had a lot of 7's in it. or a multiple of 7.... wouldn't this all be so cool?

Just some thoughts, hopefully one day I'll find out

Love's exploding
-Jax

hell..or something like that

This week has been a hand full. I've been with the kids on my own for the most part. I love my mother, I don't know how she did it with 5 kids..

I'm so frusterated. I hate when kids don't listen. I dont like getting angry, so I get frusterated. I am so tired, it's unbearable. I have to work tomorrow then rush home to pick the other one up from school, then come back home, make dinner, clean, do laungry, take the kids to swimming, come back, clean, more laundry, put them to bed, and then if i'm lucky, grab a coffee somewhere in between.

I'm not gonna say I like all of this whole motherhood thing.... maybe one day, but not today

You're probably wondering why I am even or how I find the time to blog about all this crap. Well, I battled getting billie to sleep and from all the battling, I was pretty hungry. So i decided to make a poutine (which is completly random because I havent had a poutine in like.. never) at 11pm. I was half asleep while making it. I hope it tasted ok?I don't even remember. I then started wondering about how the sky is blue and why they don't have poutines at mcdonalds. Then I went upstairs to my bed, which I am now currentley sitting in and blogged about all this.

Yep, what a friggn whacked day. I can't wait to get sleep, that's all I can think about. Thanks for listening, I really needed to vent

you're beautiful
-Jax