Surrender.

You know the plans You have for me.

I've made my own but now I see

The way You've made is hope for me

I try to let it all go

The many plans my heart has made

I'll bare these steps along the way

You made a road, so I will say

I try to let it all go.

I surrender all,

I surrender all,

All to you my precious Saviour

I surrender all.

Though I am safe beneath Your wings

Though I'm afraid here's everything

For in surrender I am free

I try to let it all go

Though I am Yours, and You are mine

In light of day, or darkest night

I love You trusting You are right

You'll never let it all go...

Every new day I am learning that in surrender is where we find peace, rest and a place for comfort and love. He's right there with us. When we surrender, we find things that are unimaginable to this world. Knowing that His light remains and shines in the darkness speaks words of encouragement a pon me. He is so amazing. I am so in love with my creator. And nothing could ever change that.

Look out world, because I'm never looking back

He loves ya.

-jacqueline

change in the atmosphere

It's been a while. Like I said in my previous blog, I am very bad at keeping up with these things. I got a new laptop for school in september. Yeah, I'm going to school in september... george brown for art&design.

I just bought a guitar. It's amazing. Her name is Lucinda.

Life is nuts. Things change so fast and it feels like the decision still exists. Time is flying by. Literally. There is so much that happens in one day now , it feels impossible to even comprehend.

Sounds crazy, huh? It's true.

I want to find that freedom. I'm looking, longing, and searching for it. I think I'm close, actually I know I'm close. It feels good. But first before some things are changed, I must first change myself..... I must first change myself..

I must first.

I must...

Update

I haven't blogged in forever. Work has consumed me..... but I love it.

Much has happened, I could sit here forever and try to tell you but it still would not sum up to all of the excitement. My birthday just passed. It was pretty fun. I mean, another birthday getting old, is that fun? Meh..

I love my job. It's so tiring. I love feeling tired because it means I've worked hard. Or it means i've stayed up late....

I'm planning my summer. It should be fun. I guess there's no much else to say for now.

Follow Our Fathers Farm on twitter!

It's good

-Jax

just because.

Wow. It's been almost a month since I blogged last. It's almost my birthday. 2 more days. I've lost track of how old I'm turning... I think I'm turning 19? I'm not sure. Maybe 30. Whatever the age is, I feel old. I feel really really old.

I guess I'll blog more on my birthday. More exciting stuff will have happened...


faith is..

-Jax

Starry thoughts..

I'm sitting here today, wondering about the stars in the heavens. It's completely mind blowing to me. Everytime I look up at the stars, I fall in love, in love with the heavens. How could it be that when I sing to the stars, they sing back to me? I feel it in my heart, so strongly, it drives me crazy...but a good kind of crazy..
I just love looking up at the stars and smiling, they tell a story of life. You probably think I'm crazy but maybe I am? I don't know, have a look at this..

"Even today, scientists admit that they do not know how many stars there are. Only about 3,000 can be seen with the naked eye. We have seen estimates of 10²¹ stars—which is a lot of stars. The number of grains of sand on the earth’s seashores is estimated to be 10²⁵. As scientists discover more stars, wouldn’t it be interesting to discover that these two numbers match?"

I feel like they might... everything goes together in the end. The mysteries of this world lie under all of our worries and cares. If we are able to step out of our selfishness and open up our eyes, I feel the world would be a whole new place. However, there is a reason why the world is the way it is today. Maybe someone awsome is saving the good stuff for last..

I can't help it, I need to believe. It's too much of a mystery for me to just sit there and not wonder.

I'm love sick for the stars. I want to have one, just one in my pocket please.

Each star is unique. Like notes on a piano. they are all different but sing the same tune.

I think it would also be pretty cool if the number of stars in the universe was a number that had a lot of 7's in it. or a multiple of 7.... wouldn't this all be so cool?

Just some thoughts, hopefully one day I'll find out

Love's exploding
-Jax

hell..or something like that

This week has been a hand full. I've been with the kids on my own for the most part. I love my mother, I don't know how she did it with 5 kids..

I'm so frusterated. I hate when kids don't listen. I dont like getting angry, so I get frusterated. I am so tired, it's unbearable. I have to work tomorrow then rush home to pick the other one up from school, then come back home, make dinner, clean, do laungry, take the kids to swimming, come back, clean, more laundry, put them to bed, and then if i'm lucky, grab a coffee somewhere in between.

I'm not gonna say I like all of this whole motherhood thing.... maybe one day, but not today

You're probably wondering why I am even or how I find the time to blog about all this crap. Well, I battled getting billie to sleep and from all the battling, I was pretty hungry. So i decided to make a poutine (which is completly random because I havent had a poutine in like.. never) at 11pm. I was half asleep while making it. I hope it tasted ok?I don't even remember. I then started wondering about how the sky is blue and why they don't have poutines at mcdonalds. Then I went upstairs to my bed, which I am now currentley sitting in and blogged about all this.

Yep, what a friggn whacked day. I can't wait to get sleep, that's all I can think about. Thanks for listening, I really needed to vent

you're beautiful
-Jax

weekly thoughts

So much has happened since I blogged last. I thought I would be able to keep up with this whole blog thing, not so much. From events at the market to valentines day, life just keeps getting more exciting! I worked at the market today. It was pretty sweet... such a long day. I'm actually struggling to keep my eyes open. So for all you people (or person) that reads my blog, this one's for you.

Lots of interesting interactions happened at the market today. I'm pretty sure I should not be working there since my appearance is an issue. The fact that I spend 5 minutes in the morning getting ready is already beyond me. When I get 57 year old men asking me out on dates, words cannot even express.... I could go on to explain the other weirdo creeps I had encounters with today but I think i'll leave it at that.

Valentines day was crazy. Nothing happened. Surpise! I bought crysty a rose today. It will probably die tomorrow. It was on sale for 50 cents. I like shopping after valentines day. Everything is so much cheaper

All in all, this week has been crazy busy and filled with just craziness. But that's how I like it. It keeps me on the go, always. Life, yeah... uhhuh, always something new.

I'm also writing a proposal to all those parents out there who are putting their 11 year old kids to bed at a very late time like 10pm everynight. they cannot move in the morning so maybe bed a little earlier would be a consideration? I speak from experience!

Live strong
-Jax

writer's block?

Just sitting on my bed, listening to Bruno Mars. He's great.

What a weekend. It was amazing. Such a great time at the market with everyone and an amazing friday night. I'm ready for a nice relaxing week. I can't wait. Lounging in my track pants and yoga pants, oh yes baby.

This weekend got me think about so many things. My thoughts are still processing so I'm not going to bother writing. Plus I'm pretty lazy right now anyway ;)

I guess this is the shortest blog post and lamest one ever. Oh well, sometimes these are necessary.

Freedom awaits
-Jax

Never felt this way before

Love.


Love.


Love.


Feeling bubbly inside is the best. I like when the spark is lit. Getting giddy and smiling without caution. Yep, it's the best feeling in the world.

And you give me butterflies, when I look into your eyes
I want to fly, and you give me the wings to fly

Undescribable happiness

Today I am happy. Very very happy. I have an inner peace that rests in the bottom of my heart. It feels so good. Candy and I had a great talk today while setting some stuff up at the market. We talked about amazing things. She is an amazing person and I love working for her. And I love that she lets me be the supervisor ;) haha

I'm left absolutely in awe. Everyday I seem to be falling more and more in love with the people around me, with my neighbors, strangers, and every face I see. I'm learning how to love, how to forgive, and how to accept and give love, no matter what the circumstance is. I'm in awe of the hurt, the hurting, the beautiful faces, everyone, everything. The words that were spoken long ago are becoming so much more alive. All the lessons I listened to are finally starting to make sense. Everything.

I am so happy, I am so filled with joy, I need to give it away.... to liz especially ;)

Until the day I walk the streets of gold, until the day I dance on rivers of life, until the day I lay in fields of grace, until the day I will sit and sing with some of the best musicians ever born, until the day I paint undescribable and unseen colours....

I will love, praise, give, and smile.

It's all part of the plan, isn't it? ;)

-Deep thoughts
Jax

Is blogging this difficult?

Last night I couldn't sleep. I don't know why but I was so restless that it bored me to the point of wondering what Mavis Beacon was up to. Yeah, that's right. We all remember Mavis. I owe it all to her that I can blog today. If it wasn't for all those grocery shopping typing games, I would never be in the place I am today. Thanks Mavis

On a more not so odd note, I was at the market again today. It was great. This weekend is the grand opening so there are a few things that we need to get ready for. I'm looking forward to this weekend. The art crawl will be on as well! I'll probably miss it but it just puts Hamilton in an artsy vibe. Speaking of art, I took some pictures today. It was nice to blossom behind the camera again, it's been a while.

I guess there's not really much else to say. Sitting snuggled up under my covers and typing is shockingly difficult. I don't know why I'm under my covers, it's hard to breathe. I just ended up under here. It feels like my own little world..just me and my covers....and my computer.... and no air. But hey, sometimes it's good to suffocate a little. Maybe learn not to take life so for granted, if you know what I mean.

My life be like oooo aaah.

Yeah, I really don't have much else to say tonight. I'm tired and this week is starting to catch up with me. I really want it to be thursday, friday, and saturday. Like I said, I'm looking forward to a great weekend.

Oh hey! Valentines Day is on monday..... aaaah, these are the times when I wish I was married! One day soon, jax, one day soon

Don't fret
-Jax

Thoughts on today

Well hey there. I guess today is Monday, am I right? What a day so far. So much production in the doing nothing industry. Just the way I like it sometimes.

That's partially a lie. I did go and get some veggies and fruits today. I also went for a nice walk in the snow and got a burrito from the buritto man in westdale. And lastly, I went to the flower shop where I use to work and smelt some flowers. Yep, all in all, it was a pretty not productive day.

Speaking of productiveness, I'm thinking it's time for me to start producing some... babies. No, not yet. But I am thinking of producing a video shortly. I'm working on the screenplay as well as writing the script. It shall be great.

I'm thinking about the amazing farmer's market. I can't wait to work with my wonderful other half, liz. She's my partner in crime when it comes to organic veggies. The beauty of her eyes reflect upon all the fruits and vegetables making them more beautiful and then people want to buy them all. This is one of the many reasons I love liz.

Today my mind feels clear. I have an inner peace which lights the smile on my face. Things are very good. I like that :) Even though my heart is heavy with decisions and stress, I don't feel it. Why should I worry when I know it's all gonna be okay right? Smiling feels good. Laughing feels better. Life is clearer to me. It's nice!

I guess I'll stop rambling on and on about things. It's hard to stop when you start. I'm sure all the other bloggers know what I mean. Let's face it, that's what blogs are for! I have so much more to say but is it even worth processing? Nah, I think i'll save it for some other time. Until then, remember to make the right choice

putyourloveglasseson

what doesnt kill you makes you stronger

So it's now a month into a new year and I've finally decided to to blog again. Why? I don't know, something inside me just told me to start blogging again. So I listened.

I'm sure you can just imagine all the crazy life happenings that have gone on since my last blog post, dated on july 30th 2010. The summer was good to me. The fall, not so much. But life goes on....

The new year did a number on me but thank God I went through what I have gone through, it has made me only a stronger person. Sometimes there are situations for us in life that we are meant to walk through. I believe all that has happened from november til january was that dark tunnel for me. But now, all I can see is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's looking pretty amazing :)

Like mentioned before, the events that have happened are endless and far too crazy to blog about. But that is all the past, so why bring it up?!

On more of the bright side, life is just turning around for me. I have a number of amazing opportunities to seize in the next little while. I am getting pretty excited about it. God's good to me. So i'm going to be good to Him.

All in all, I am looking forward to a year of excitement and refreshing times. I can't wait... I hear the melody of a springtime

And it will be okay

-Jax